How I continue growing as a respectful parent (rejecting self helpism)

After reading Barbara Coloroso's book "Kids are Worth It!" before bed the other night (a book I am absolutely loving, by the way) I was sifting through some of the new resolve it had given me about the harm of punishments and rewards.

The book had made me reanalyze some of the tools we were using with our kids, and I was processing how to root them out and start afresh in those areas,

It happens all the time. Even with the best of intentions, none of us manage to do the most respectful thing in every situation and under every circumstance. Even a mum like me who has been sharing about this for years.

With that familiar recalibration came another familiar nemesis. Guilt. Hopelessness with my process of healing and learning. It can be a dangerous cycle for me, one that invites shame and fear, rather than openness and the optimism necessary to create new and better thought cycles (and parenting comes entirely from this inner preparation.)

This was when the truly remarkable thing happened.

Imagine a scene in a movie where someone stands on the edge of a building and just lets themself fall forward. It was like that for me in my spirit. As those thoughts began to spiral, my spirit recoiled, and there was this inner voice that came out of the chaos. Enough.

I don't rely on myself.

And in that moment, I fell forward. Abandoning myself to God, trusting Him with this healing, allowing Him to give me the guidance I need to ever more perfectly respect my children and give them the dignity they deserve, which I so desire for them.

It was without fear. Without uncertainty. Without a grasping for control.

Just trust.

And I was caught up, instantly, into peace.

I think the bravest, wisest thing we can do as parents is to fall forward into grace. The hardest, too. It's an ongoing surrender - this most definitely was not the first time, nor will it be the last, that I have had to reject self-helpism. (But it was perhaps the most dramatic.)

Bring those fish, anyway

Now, here's one last thought. I don't think that relying on God means halting my search for learning. I won't stop reading. I won't stop learning. I know a lot of enlightenment comes from these tools, and I believe it would be foolish of me to not be seeking to tap into the wisdom of those who have walked this road before me.

But I have to have the attitude of the boy with the five loaves and two fish in John 6:9. What I go out and learn is that meager meal I bring to Him, something I meant for myself, something that wouldn't go very far without Him.

He makes a miracle out of it.

I don't rely on myself.

Blessings,

Olivia